Friday, January 18, 2013

Lance, The Legacy


Afternoon TV commercial, 2020


Kid in High School audience: "Mr. Armstrong, you mean you took ALL those pills every day for TEN YEARS?" 

Lance: "Yes, kids but remember, I was in training and I'm a professional. Take it from me, there are no shortcuts. It takes years  of disciplined pill popping to build up to a mega-pill sport. Start with a few pills when you're young, take them on time every day and work up slowly to major meds. Never obsess on dosages or labels; focus instead on quantity. If you want to excel in sports, you need to consume lots of pills on a daily basis. 

Don't improvise. Consult a knowledgeable friend in the locker room or neighborhood pub before adding new pills to your training regimen. And never give up. If I got all those pills down you can do it too."


Sexy female narrator: Pills. They make you powerful like Lance. And they really turn me on! 


Some pills may have unintended side effects including but not limited to hyper obnoxiousness, paranoia, mindless aggression and multi-gendered genitals growing out of the side of your head. 

A public service announcement by The Multinational Pharmaceutical Association